


your touch

by bunnieguts



Category: jojo's - Fandom, ジョジョの奇妙な冒険 | JoJo no Kimyou na Bouken | JoJo's Bizarre Adventure
Genre: Action/Adventure, British Character, Character Death, Depression, F/M, Fish & Chips, Hands, I Don't Even Know, I Wrote This Instead of Sleeping, I was slightly horny while making this, I'm so tired, Implied Sexual Content, Mild Sexual Content, Reader is Not a Stand User (Jojo), Rejection, Sexual Frustration, T HIS IS A JOKE, Tea, This Is STUPID, This Is Why We Can't Have Nice Things, definetely not canon diego, diego is feral and doesn't know how to behave like a human being, diego is horny, diego is touch starved, hey did I mention I love diego, reader is a goddess for some reason, steel ball run is the best part change my mind, uhhhhh
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-11-11
Updated: 2020-11-11
Packaged: 2021-03-10 02:08:34
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,007
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/27506623
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/bunnieguts/pseuds/bunnieguts
Summary: the magnificent diego brando ventures out to find a woman he can examine since he'd never felt the touch of one after his mother's death
Relationships: Diego Brando/Reader
Comments: 5
Kudos: 10





	your touch

  
Once upon a time, there was a young man named Diego Brando. A professional British horse Jockey who wants to win the steel ball run and eventually find a woman to examine. Actually, examining women is way more important than winning the race, he thought to himself. He was jealous that Johnny and Gyro were so good at it, so he took the opportunity himself. 

Just the thought of running his hands through a woman's body has him going crazy. He craves women. He wants one. And so he goes, he climbs and hops onto his horse, hopefully achieving his dream. He put on his helmet which had letters on it, that spelled out DIO, his alias. The sound of cantering could be heard, as the Brit ventured out to look for a female to 'spend time' with.

It had been 3 hours but Diego still hasn't found a single woman that fit his taste. He angrily grunted and slapped his horse's behind, causing it to run faster. Suddenly, he saw a figure and his horse stood still. He hissed, feeling the giant erection in his pants, as he saw a silhouette of a woman standing in the horizon. His eyes widened, he could not believe what he was seeing. Is this all a dream? Was this a hallucination? What is going on? He wondered, jumping onto the ground--then slowly crawling to the goddess in front of him.

She was so beautiful, she had black long hair, big fat fucking badonkadonks, and wore a white silk dress that exposed her breasts. Oh my god. Diego couldn't hold it in anymore--he finally found someone he needed. He wondered. No, this wasn't just a person, this wasn't just a woman, this was the first person that would satisfy Diego, even if he possesses a strong misantrophy towards all humanity.

As he crawled closer towards her, strange white beams of light started shooting from her body, nearly blinding Diego. He is bewildered. What kind of woman is this? His breathing got a little heavier, his horse glancing over to him. "Oh tea and crumpets... What have I gotten myself into?" 

Suddenly, his trusty package of store bought fish and chips that were already rotten, fell out of his pocket, and he gasped. "NOT THE FISH AND CHIPS." he yelled. The goddess looked over at him, and he looked back at her, probably about to cry. "Have you ever seen a women in your life?" she had an angelic voice that echoed. Diego started crying, it was a miracle, it was real.

Tears ran down the young man's bandage, that cowered the slit on his left cheek as he swallowed happily. "N-No.. May I touch you?" He asked curiously. Without a response, the woman stepped closer, the long dress she wore flying along lazily with the cold breeze that blew. She kneeled and held her hand out, letting Diego touch her glistening, soft hand. His surprised expression soon formed into a happy one, he finally did it. "May I carry on? Please?" He politely requested. The woman stood up again, Diego looking up to see her nod. "Yes."

He stood up as well, scurrying behind her as she lifted up her slender pale arms. "Wow. So this is what touching women feels like." He whispered, slowly touching her torso with all his digits. No. This isn't right, he thought to himself. Something was missing. Right, he forgot to take off his gloves. He brought one of the gloved fingertips to his mouth, and slowly pulled the glove off then the other one- throwing them both behind him. "Excuse me, miss." He apologized, still wondering if humans are bad or not. His hands slowly made their way to the woman's shoulders, then to her neck, and back to her abdomen.

She felt cold, and the texture of her skin felt really strange. But Diego didn't care, nonetheless, she was beautiful in every way. Not that the magnificent Diego Brando was looking for a love interest, he was just left traumatized and scarred for life, after his mother sacrificed herself just for him, just so he could eat a single handful of soup. "Wow. This is quite magnificent." He blurted out, but he didn't know what women tasted like yet.

So, he slowly made his way to her head, and licked her cheek, leaving a trail of saliva on it. He processed, still concluding whether British tea or women tasted better. He cupped her breasts, and she hissed at him, causing him to fall back.

"What in queen Elizabeth of England, what are those?" he asked, still in pain cause of his erection that awkwardly perked inside his tight pants. "Every woman has them." The goddess spoke, "We require them." Diego nodded, slowly raising his hand up towards her direction, trying to feel them again.

The goddess slapped him, "That's not how you satisfy a woman." She calmly exclaimed. "I am utterly disappointed in you." Strands of her hair slowly disappearing, followed up with the right half of her body fading away too. "Goodbye." Her voice echoing one last time. Diego was quiet, ashamed of himself. He looked down. Hands gripping his helmet as he shook his head anxiously.

No.

This was his only chance. He failed. He jerked his head up, screaming in pain, meanwhile his horse galloped away in fear with all his equipment. He tried calming down, his hands trailing all over his body, looking for the one thing he needed the most right now.

The fish and chips.

However, the package wasn't there. "Where are my bloody fish and chips?" He cursed under his breath, before realising the goddess thieved it. His screaming the went from pure sadness and pain, to only rage. First, he failed to obtain pleasure from a woman AND an actual God, and now his fish and chips are gone.  
Diego proudly accepted his demise and peacefully passed away on the grass.

The fish and chips sat there behind him all this time. 


End file.
